a sad evening with mr t...

22 years ago today,margaret allen (aka "gramma" ) passed away . followed by uncle vane the next day . a pretty bad 24 hours for the old 27 gang . this evening mr t is sharing his remembrance of that day , and the following days...tomorrow i will be posting some pictures of them both . love to both of them , and to all of our family who are no longer with us...because the holidays just aren't the same without them .

Vane Mickle and Margaret Allen passed within hours of each other. Margaret Allen on Nov. 21, 1985, at night around 9 p.m. about half hour after I left the hospital: I think Vane was second, on Nov. 22. Nov. 21 was a Thursday. It was the week before Thanksgiving. Your mom stayed with us a couple of days before flying home. that was when we divied up some photos and Floyd Allen's WWI letters.

I'll tell you the story from my point of view. If this were a movie, that day would be the end of it. i can envision it all - it was a dividing line in my life. grandma was gone - childhood was permanently over, even though it was over long before that, it was never completely over. Perhaps a little glorified in my eyes, but who can help it anyway. we all adored Grandma, and admired Vane and his resolve and sense of humor too.

I was "wasting my time" playing in a band up north for the past year and a half when I was staying at dave's, the bass and sax player, near Cadillac MI. I'd drive up every weekend to play. We'd park ourselves at a gig for 2 months at a time in a bar. (Needless to say i regret this period in my life, wished I hadn't wasted all those years -oh well, you can't go back and change it now). This time it was our favorite gig, the Evart Lounge, about 20 minutes away from Grandma's on highway 10. I would always stop on the weekends and visit with her, bring her her laundry from mom. I usually crash at her place the last night on my way home. I think your cub scout picture was still on the dresser in the guest room.

But this week was different, it was the week before thanksgiving and we had to play 4 nights instead of 2 because it was deer hunting season and the place was packed with idiots from all over the state. (the kind of idiots that come and say play some rock and roll, then throw up on you).

The next day on Friday my mom calls me at Dave's around 4:30 5 o'clock. I had left the number with her, and saw Grandma in the Mt. Pleasant hospital on my way up north the night before. She was not conscious and I read her a letter from Dorothy Allen. I was there all of 20 minutes. I knew somehow it was the last time i would see her alive. Well, she was 93!

So my mom asks "Are you sitting down?"

I says "no."

She says "Well, you'd better sit down."

I said: It' Grandma, isn't it? She passed away."

She said: "Yes, and ...." somehow I gulped thinking Dad had passed away or one of their friends.
"Your Uncle Vane passed away this morning."

The jist of the conversation was I would be there and meet them there Sunday. I had a gig every night through Saturday night. Actually I stayed at Dave's and left late Sunday morning. I asked my mom to bring extra clothes for me including a gray suit I had, for the funeral.

I got there and all I remember was Dan, Tammy (his SO), your mom, Theo was not there because she was busy with Vane's funeral arrangements. Our friend Valdeen showed. Many others. Pauline the caretaker of the past year or so was there. a mystery man came in and sent and we later figured out he was the one who delivered her meals on wheels. I remember crying in the bathroom at the funeral home the next day. I think we had a n afternoon and evening visitation. Pat Mickle and Kathy and families came, then went on up to Oscoda. Pat said he could understand why Dan and I were so upset because we had grown up with Grandma almost exclusively, every other weekend, and holidays, and this was our second home really. We told him we really admired his dad and all, he was always generous and good to us and we remembered having a ball playing Michigan Rummy with him when we were little, whenever we'd visit. Ironic that almost ten years later we'd be in the same funeral home for Pat's funeral.

Grandma's was a huge funeral because of Vane's funeral.
As an emotional release we all sat around a round table in the lobby with Pat,
and I told them the story about the mystery guest, who we figured out delivered her meals....then Dan or I said something funny about how he was too late today, and we all busted up laughing.......us damned Irishmen always make a wake more fun anyway.......

Kathy decided she would take the cat. the cat had no home or master.......

We went to Vane's funeral that Monday morning, drove all the way up there early (in Oscoda), then brought him back and buried him in Cherry Grove. we tool a few hours off and then it was Grandma's funeral. I remember what a long day and ride that was. the radio kept playing the theme from the movie Terms of Endearment - how appropriate.

A month later, on Christmas Eve, Allen Henderson, our mom's cousin, passed away at the dinner table at home. He was about 73. Another funeral after Christmas, this time in Harrison. My dad accidentally switched coats with a cop, so the cop had to bring it down to Grandma's house where we were staying. Theo remarked on the way to the funeral, " I guess we should all become professional mourners if this keeps up." That got a laugh.